A Practical Guide to Using Dilators
A Practical Guide to Using Dilators
If you have been recommended dilators, whether for vaginismus, vaginal tightness, pain during penetration, or recovery following surgery, radiotherapy, or menopause, this guide is here to help you understand what to expect and how to approach the process in a way that feels manageable.
Dilator therapy can feel daunting at first. Many people feel anxious, uncertain, or even a little embarrassed about starting, which is completely understandable. But with the right approach, dilator therapy is something most people are able to work through gradually and successfully, at their own pace and on their own terms.
What Are Dilators?
Dilators are smooth, body safe tools that come in a range of sizes, starting very small and increasing gradually. They are designed to help the vaginal muscles become more comfortable with penetration over time, through gentle, progressive, and repeated exposure. They are not a quick fix, and they are not meant to be uncomfortable. The goal is gradual, relaxed progress, not pushing through pain.
Before You Begin
A few things worth doing before you start:
Talk to a professional first if you have not already. A GP, gynaecologist, pelvic floor physiotherapist, or psychosexual therapist can help you understand what is causing your symptoms and whether dilators are the right approach for you. They can also guide you on which size to start with.
Choose the right dilators. There are several brands available. Your healthcare provider may recommend a specific set, or you can find them online. Look for sets that are smooth, body safe, and come in multiple sizes. Silicone or medical grade plastic are both commonly used materials.
Give yourself time and privacy. Dilator practice works best when you are not rushed or likely to be interrupted. Choose a time when you feel relatively relaxed, not when you are stressed, tired, or under pressure.
Have lubrication to hand. A good quality, body safe lubricant makes a significant difference to comfort. Water based lubricants are suitable for use with all dilator materials.
For a step-by-step guide on how to actually use dilators, click here and download our guide.
How Often Should I Practise?
Most guidance suggests daily practice where possible, or at least several times a week. Consistency matters more than duration. Regular, gentle practice helps the nervous system and the muscles learn that penetration is safe, which is the core aim of the whole process.
When Progress Feels Slow
It is very common to feel frustrated when progress feels slow or when you seem to be going backwards. This does not mean the therapy isn’t working. It often means your nervous system needs more time, or that anxiety is particularly high on certain days.
If you find yourself consistently unable to progress, or if the process is causing significant distress, this is a good moment to check in with a psychosexual therapist or pelvic floor physiotherapist. Dilator therapy works best when combined with psychological support, particularly if anxiety or past experiences are part of the picture.
Introducing A Partner
When you feel ready, and only when you feel ready, some people choose to involve a partner in dilator practice. This can be a meaningful step, both practically and emotionally, as it begins to bridge the gap between solo practice and partnered intimacy.
This might involve your partner being present in the room while you practise, offering reassurance and calm company without any pressure or involvement. Over time, if it feels right, a partner might help with insertion of a dilator, following your guidance entirely and moving only as directed by you.
It is important that this step happens entirely on your terms. Your partner's role is one of support, patience, and following your lead, never directing or rushing the process. Clear communication before, during, and after is essential. You might agree on a simple signal or word that means stop immediately, no questions asked.
Involving a partner can also be a good topic to explore with a psychosexual therapist, who can help both of you navigate this stage in a way that feels safe and connected.
A Final Note
Dilator therapy is not always straightforward, and it can bring up feelings you did not expect, including grief, frustration, hope, and relief, sometimes all in the same session.
You are doing something that takes real courage. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small progress, and do not hesitate to ask for support along the way.
Why Sex Actually Exists
Sex Actually exists because too many people have been left out of sex education, or taught only narrow versions of what intimacy and pleasure should look like.
Our aim is to offer inclusive, evidence-informed education that supports real experiences, real bodies, and real relationships. We are here to make conversations about sex, relationships, and wellbeing accessible, shame-free, and relevant for everyone, so you can understand yourself and others with greater confidence, curiosity, and care.
If this article was helpful, you might like to read our article on vaginismus, or explore more of our writing on bodies, sexual function, and intimacy after difficulty.